just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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