he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
be right there i have to get my cape
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
