Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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