you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
