There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
