Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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