Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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