So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
