I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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