OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was confusing and full of hummus
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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