i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
