Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
