I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
whose parrot is this?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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