my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
