First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
