Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
