I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
