If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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