Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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