maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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