You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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