3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
