he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
