I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
