So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need to stop coming to work sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
