At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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