My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this hospital has no fireball
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
