Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
