we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I believe in your delicious
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
