she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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