ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
