I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
