I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
