Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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