you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
