My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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