you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dick has a subreddit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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