everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
