ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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