I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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