i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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