Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
