I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
