Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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