I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
