sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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