Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
