Just took my morning after pill in the library
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
