i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
