arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sext me about skeletons
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
